How to get away with murder – Krakow

1. Befriend some careless Swedes. Start with one, and there shall be more.

Jonas doesn’t know I have been watching him for 1,5 hours at this point.

2. Become a part of a bicycle company. It will probably take more than one trip to fit in properly.

3. Cycle with them. Share food, beds and farts with them.

4. At some point, suggest the team split into lesser groups. It’s best if you pretend to be injured.

5. Let the other group go more dramatic route, as they will draw everybody’s attention.

6. Make a plausible excuse and go shopping in some big city. Buy trash bags in a supermarket with cash. Look for the largest size possible, preferably 100-200 litres.

7. Prepare what’s needed in front of your unsuspecting prey. Tell them it’s for the flight. Your bike needs to be packed, right?

*Prepare 9 double-layered sheets of plastic*.

8. Cover your soon-to-be crime scene with plastic. Make sure no one was tailing you to the hotel.

9. Do the job.

10. Pack the bodies. Try your best to give it an overall bikey shape.

11. Fly away as fast as you can.

Oh my god! They got me! It must be sleeping gas, I can hear SWAT coming in!

12. Stay tuned for our next lesson: “Hostage Negotiation: How To Make Your Demands Happen In 12 Quick Steps”.

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